HEARD THIS LAST NIGHT AND IT HURT...
So I was hanging out after work with coworkers/friends last night which is rare because I usually get home and comfy well before they head out for Happy Hour (I'm part-time at my office so I leave around 4pm). I know that an email will go out about what time and where everyone is meeting at some point but...well, as I mentioned, I'm already in my pj's all comfy and junk by the time my co-workers are congregating so I'm usually absent from the event. I could go but after I sit down and start playing Angry Birds I'm pretty much tucked in for the night. I like everyone I work with and I hate that I may not see them outside of work much but I have a kid and a husband and I like hanging out with them too. I have a few people that I feel the most comfortable with although I like everyone (except this one person but that's a whole other story and they are ridiculously clueless and won't read this) and I was talking to one of these long-time friends when I happened to mentioned how I missed some people that used to work with us and hated that they never called or emailed me anymore. He said maybe they didn't because I would never go out or end up not able to go out with them in the past. Ouch...that cut deep. I feel, and always have felt, that if you have a true friendship that you don't have to talk all the time and you understand that life gets in the way of plans and you try again later. Now, I do get that I'm the type of person that likes to hang out at my house and that going out is not really my type of thing unless its an early dinner that ends up lasting until later than planned (or poker...I love that crap). For instance, take my friend SV...she's totally the same way as me when it comes to wanting to do something and it not working out. We can go forever and not talk or see each other and when we do it's like there hasn't been a day that we haven't seen each other. Our conversations go like this:
SV: "Did you see that..."
me: "Shah! I couldn't believe it and then he said..."
SV: "I know right?! I wanted to say that I..."
me: "I know what you're gonna say! I was gonna say the..."
SV: "You shoulda said it!"
SV & me: "bwahahaha...idiots!!"
Now, she has a kid too but she's always been like that even when I was the only one with a child in my office. So, when I heard that maybe I don't get invited to things because I'm not able to go it just hurts. I thought there were were more SV's in the office but...no, there's not. I don't blame them - they don't have kids and so they don't know that you can't just up and leave but you kinda hope that there's some mutual understanding; I understand that they can go whenever to wherever and I can't just go out because it sounds fun. I wanted think that they understood too and maybe they just felt it's futile to keep asking me but when I heard it's because I couldn't get someone to watch my daughter...well, that just sucks out loud. I miss them but it sounds like it's actually been a discussion. Man, when we would get together we'd laugh our booties off but I guess my absence was just too much to withstand the sands of time. It's something that I'm okay with until I just happen to say "wow, I never hear from so-and-so anymore and I sure do miss them" and the response I get is "well, what do you expect B? You were rarely ever able to do anything so they stopped asking." Ouch!
Someday my friends that are childless will have a change of heart and soon my child will be able to stay at home alone. Ha! They'll understand where I was in my life when I couldn't see them all the time but wanted to. It's like I'm torn between wanting to have adult conversation or night out and also wanting to hang out with my VERY cool family...your family tends to win that thought process. Even if I could go out three times a week I wouldn't because I like to be with my family...and I'd have to pay dearly with my lack of sleep the next morning when I have to get Skye to school at an un-Holy early time. That's when I lose my mind with the Mommy Circle at the middle school.
I think I'll write about all the things I had to go apologize for to my sister when she had a kid and I didn't. I just didn't understand her schedule to help raise an awesome kid (and let me tell you...he is flippin'' fantastic). For instance, I had to apologize for not putting my dog in his crate when her infant son was crawling around for the first time. My sister said "can you put Charlie up, he's all over my son!" I said something stupid like "hey, this poodle is my kid and he doesn't need to crate up if your son doesn't have to!" Um, one doesn't crate up a baby and I see that clearly now.
Anyway, my pain is silly because I understand why I'm not included on invites but it's nonetheless real. Even if I say "I can't make it" every time I'm asked to do something just know that I love that you asked me.
August 17th, 2011
SAW THIS TODAY AND IT MADE ME THINK...
I like to look at different help sites or advice columns and I came across one that I actually check quite often. The topic I saw was whether or not it's okay to say to your child "because I said so". I have an eleven year old daughter and I've learned that, as much as it killed me when I was her age (even younger and well past 11), it is not only acceptable...it's necessary. I know most of us, at one point when we were younger, decided the things we would NEVER do like our parents. And when we get older and have our own kids and responsibilities we chuckle (or pout...depending) every time we catch ourselves doing EXACTLY as our parents did. My point being is that I swore every time my parents would say "because I said so" I would scream inside my head, "I WILL NEVER EVER DO THAT TO MY KID!!!" Wrong again Miss Now-A-Mom! I have a specific memory that came to mind immediately when I saw this topic on-line. It all took place at our house in Virginia (try to conjure up the smell of sawdust when you read this) and it lasted less than 5 minutes but stuck with me forever. I still laugh (it took years to find it funny) when I think back to the day my father, standing in his workshop, finally had enough of me BEGGING for a reason for saying “no” to me. I wanted to sleep over at a friends that night and being in the 10th grade I thought that it was just about time to get a reason for NOT getting a reason…well, he told me and that was the end of that. He put his [insert wood tool here] down, turned to me and while lifting his goggles said this “because you are a child and you will argue with whatever my reason is and today is the last time I will answer that question. And now you’re grounded. Would you like to ask me why?” My chin dropped and although the teen in me wanted to say something “smart” there was that even smarter part of me from years of respecting my parents (okay, and I was scared to find out how mad my father would get) and knowing the consequences, that took over and I very quickly said “no” and trudged back up to my room. No, not trudged...as soon as he turned his [wood tool machine thingy back on] I stomped up the stairs just to show him who won that round. Ha!
Actually, after many years of waiting patiently, watching me get married, move here and there, finally have a child, and then waiting for that child to start asking to do things that I don't want her to do...my parents get the last laugh because <sigh> they were right all along.
A lot of people felt the same way as me about using that statement, but a handful (too many if you ask me) disagreed wholeheartedly. To those daft enough to think it's a good idea to always explain yourself and actions to your offspring, I dedicate my next post under Blog Stuff called Let That Be a Lesson To You, to you guys. And even if you don't think that "because I said so" isn't a good idea...I can almost guarantee you that your parents would.
I will now quote my favorite crustacean, Sebastian the Lobster: "Children, if you give them an inch they will swim all over you!"
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August 17th, 2011
SAW THIS TODAY AND WAS SO DISAPPOINTED!
I saw this today when I received an update from Facebook on a profile that I check on at the moment (hint, it’s the same place I auditioned for and boy they know how to get a rise out of people…including Your’s Truly apparently):
“online petition pushing for sesame street’s bert and ernie to get married…”
