Pie Chart Glitter

A little over four years ago I tried to open my own business called Time2Bounce.  I'd like to say that it was an awesome experience and cheer on the next person that goes after that dream.  But lo, I cannot; all I can do is say "good luck with allllll that" and simply bow my head in sorrow for that person when they turn around.  What I took away from that experience is that unless you have hidden away money under your mattress to open yet another nail salon then it'll be one of the hardest things you ever try to do.  Clearly not everyone feels that way  (and thank goodness for that) as we wouldn't have some of the finest specialty shops to choose from.  I also learned that I absolutely HATE the following statements (generally made by the SBA dude):


-It is what it is. (that one still makes me upchuck a little in my mouth)
-That's the way it goes.
-Let's tweak that. (fyi SBA dude...taking out a whole HVAC unit is soooo not a tweak, it's a huge adjustment at best.  It's like saying your upcoming amputation is as easy as getting a flu shot!).
-How about going the franchise route?
-We can revisit that.  (Um, does that mean we haven't gotten any closer than last month when you said that crap to me?!).
-I've got good news and bad news...but they are the same thing (okay, so I added the "same thing" part...'cause it's flippin' true!)


I'm sure there's more but my brain just went numb.  Surprisingly I worked really hard on getting my business going.  I won't bore you with all the details of what the business was going to be but let me give you a quick rundown so you know how kick-ass my idea was.  The main function was going to be a inflatable bounce house for kids as well as a very well stocked arcade (I do love me some ski ball).  BUT, I was also going to have a café area with flat screen TV's so parents could actually enjoy a football game while Jr. was busy burning off the chocolate covered donuts he inhaled that morning.  I even planned for security bracelets so the kiddies couldn't slip out unnoticed while mom had her head tilted back 90 degrees chugging my cup-of-awesome that I served up.  So, when I' was asked to consider going the route of a franchise I could barely control the urge to land on that person like a sumo wrestler (which, by the way, was something I was going to supply at birthday parties).


I was incorporated, had a logo that was perfect and even procured the domain name for a website.  My business plan had spreadsheets, bar graphs, pie charts...heck, I'm pretty sure I even threw some glitter in there too.  My business plan was so impressive I wasn't sure it was me that actually did it!  When I go back and look at it now I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I could actually accomplish something so complex!  Ahhhhh, I tear up with pride.  I had so much information in there that I'm surprised the business bankers looking at it didn't tell me that no, they really really didn't need to know the last time I had my blood drawn or that my daughters net worth, although sweet, didn't add anything to the bottom line.  


Oh, the other thing people would say allllll the time was "this is going to be a full-time thing, so put a cot in your office and prepare to sleep there!".  Then they'd laugh some weird Mr. Burns laugh like they were getting some pleasure foreseeing my impending social demise. Well, duh.  Yes, I can be lazy but in my defense, I adjusted that way when things didn't pan out and it turned out I didn't have to sleep in a seven foot tall palm tree slide.


I did learn that there's a specific insurance just for the inflatable business because, sad to say, there's always one kid that thinks it's hiiii-larious to hurdle themselves off the back of the slide instead of going down the correct way.  I guess flying down a 20 foot slide on burlap just doesn't get it for some and they'd rather fall at the speed of splat.  Please refer to my post Survival of the Fittest.


Anyway, turns out I was an air conditioning unit away from getting the loan approved and apparently I didn't have the necessary fortitude to muscle that into a lease agreement so I boxed up my business plan (I may or may not have kicked that box...hard) and went back to playing Spider Solitare on my computer instead of creating fantastic pie charts.  It's still cool that I tried but I'll not do that again...


I will, however, keep working on my coffee filter garter belt.  Awesome.