Baby I Wasn't Born This Way

I personally believe that adults are a product of life's tests.  I'm not sure that "tests" is the right word but what I'm trying to say is that we are what we decided to do in countless situations over the years of our lives.  I was raised to believe that God gives you what you can handle.  That's not to say that one will handle it with complete grace or that we won't feel that we failed...but if you walk away from a hard situation and have learned something from it and hopefully become stronger then you have not failed and you will continue to fight that good fight that is life.  Not everyone believes in God and I'm not here to argue anyone's faith or non-faith because even if you don't believe in Him or stop believing in Him it's your choice to become a better person and pass those lessons on to others.  As parents it's our job to try to teach our children to make good and wise decisions and although we don't always see it when they are young, we have to have faith that the lessons we teach will reflect in the actions of our offspring when they go off on their own.  That's also not to say that even if you try your best to teach your children the right things to do that they won't chose another path.  Those are not your failures if you've sincerely done your best - everyone has free will and sometimes it's not what you hoped for your loved ones.  For me, I've tried to teach my daughter compassion and loyalty.  As I reflect on how I may have taught her to stand up for the small I can think of one major thing in my life growing up that made it the most important thing to me.  But she has made the decision to help others much more often than I ever did at her age and that makes me proud beyond what my words can convey.  She is not a perfect child or always the best behaved...she's a kid...and another of my beliefs is that all kids are lunatics.  I've already written about getting real about children and not thinking they are perfect the moment they spring from your womb.  Children by nature are self-preserving and will do what it takes to not get in trouble for their not-so-smart decision making.  It's what they do when they aren't pushing you to your patience limit that you see the wonder of how awesome your child can be.  When a parent comes up to me at a school function and tells me about my daughter sticking up for their kid then I know I'm at least doing something right.  I've even learned from my own child that maybe I could handle some situations better...and that amazes me to no end.

The reason for me that compassion is so important is because of my own "tests" growing up.  The biggest one for me was my scoliosis and how it effected me everyday.  If not for my own parents lifting me up during that time and my sister sticking up for me at school, I feel that I would be a totally different person today.  As much as I hated wearing that horrid contraption to straighten my spine all those years, I appreciate it now.  I am a better person for it and I knew when I had my own daughter that I wanted her to be that person that would stick up for me as my sister did at school and I wanted to be like my parents and teach her that we are all different in some way and that's okay.  I actually still have that back brace and have showed it to her several times to remind her...and me, that if we do our best and be our best then we will come out better people.  I've told...eh, probably preached to her that bullying is real and so horrible and that no matter what it's her job to help those on the receiving end.  She's asked me some of the names I was called and what happened and I told her but I also told her that I was given the tools to help myself because I had great friends and family showing me the way.  I have to give a shout out to one particular friend...I'll call her Jules.  She also taught me that being your own person (shaved head and all) is the best way to be.  I love telling my daughter that she can be "Jules" to other kids.  My twin sister did the same - I'm not sure how, but whenever I needed her she'd just materialize out of thin air and would be there for me.  I'm pretty sure I remember hearing a faint poof when she'd just show up like that.  And now I'm freaked out a bit.  Anyway, my time spent bundled up in a back brace taught me that you're not always just born different and some things happen over time and choices are made that aren't up to you and you must find your sense of self. Learn from what you've personally experienced and been through and use that to teach your little ones. I believe that every generation can be stronger and better than the one before if we tell our own stories to them and what it meant to us and more importantly - how it molded us.

Be a better person everyday.