When You Wish Upon A Wart

I don't know why I thought of this the other day, but for some reason it occurred to me that I have never heard my daughter say the words "I wish...".  I find that completely odd for some reason.  Maybe it's because when I was growing up I learned to wish on stars and four leaf clovers and it totally slipped my mind to teach her?  Maybe she just says it to herself?  Who knows...but unlike her, I wished for a lot of things and it wasn't just toys and things of that nature.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that I slipped into the "weird kid" level of wishing with how much of it I did everyday.  My kid still asks for things all the time and promises all the normal kid promises of how they'll never ask for anything again if I just "please, please say yes this time!".  That crap makes me seriously want to get her memory checked since apparently she can't remember yesterday!  So, you're telling me that you really don't remember just saying that less than twenty-four hours ago about the newest zombie video game that came out?  Really?  C'mon man! I specifically remember that one because I played it with her that same night and some creepy spitting zombie melted my face off...twice!  And when she does remember, after I produce proof (in the form of the perfected mommy-stare-down...you didn't think I was actually going to go get the receipt did you?!), I get this line of poo-poo - "I really mean it this time Mom!  Pinkie promise!!"   See, again...I heard that yesterday too!  And by the way, I don't always get her what she asks for. Saying yes and shelling out money whenever asked would be dumb and I'd lose all credibility and respect from her and for myself.  Plus, one can't rant about what one causes and not sound like a damn fool. 


I can actually remember begging my parents for things when we were at the store just like my kid does to me and yours does to you.  And don't even try telling me you have a child that doesn't beg for things...said child does not exist.  In fact, if you taped your kids arms to their sides and their mouths shut they'd still figure out a way to beg you!  I'm certain that my daughter could turn her eyes into little white pulsing puffy arrows while whimpering until coveted item is either purchased or the final high-pitched "NO!" was acknowledged.  Anyway, this is not about just wanting things - I was just letting you guys know that I think wishing for things goes beyond tangible items.  And I'm not talking about praying either!  We pray for the well-being of others and that sort of thing; I wish for things that I would love to see happen or go away (like that weird noise my house makes that reinforces my colorful imagination...okay, so I wish for the supernatural creepy thing to go away...whatever).


When I was a little girl, from what I can remember and have been told, I didn't really express my anger loudly.  I didn't scream and yell and make it known or advertise that I was majorly ticked off at my sister, school, or friend when something, in my opinion, went wrong or was done to me.  I would go up to my room and scream in my pillow and then just wish bad things on those that crossed me.  Evil, right?!  Well, no...it was, in fact, quite lame now that I look back at the things I wished on others.  For example, I wished things like horrible zits on girls that hurt my feelings or for some girls boobs to shrink until they were gone because I got teased for not having any yet.  I was athletic!  "Was" being the operative word there...wait, does using the Thigh Master count as being athletic?  Awesome.  I have a whole other post idea about sharing my list of exercises and what wines go best with each one of them...you're welcome in advance!  Oh, heck - I'll throw one out at ya now - the Ab Lounge accompanied by a lovely Pinot Grigio is a wonderful match.  Trust me.  Anyway, I spent WAY too many nights wishing a planters wart on the heal of one particular girl that will go unnamed.  I did learn that either I messed up and put my name in there once or it didn't cause her the same amount of heel pain as it did me...either way, it's apparent that I'm a bit magic.  I guess such powers need to be honed into a skill and not just wielded all willy-nilly-like...my mistake.  Still need proof that I have powers?  Well, I wished for years and years that I had straight hair and BOOM, thirty short years later...salons across the world bent to my will.  I am, if anything, a patient wisher.


Over the years I stopped wishing all the time or at least found a more healthy balance of time spent on making things happen myself with just a dash of wishing to complement my actions.  I also learned that I don't have to wish things on people that are rude to me anymore; I'm an administrative assistant and that means that you'll get what's coming to you at some point and may never realize it was me!  "What?  You're phone extension moved?  Jeepers Dude, I guess you'll just have to move to that office then.  Huh?  Oh yeah, that's a bummer it doesn't have windows too..."  Too much?  That was the most extreme case of me kicking wishes to the curb and taking action myself.  Usually if you're a jerk or insensitive I just ignore you now.  Okay, maybe I'd wish a little something bad too - a little BBQ sauce on your white shirt kind of wish.  I'm getting better and better about it; getting over wishing takes time!


I will continue to wish for the normal things that females tend to wish for on a constant basis like having a perfect hair day (everyday of course), hoping that fourth piece of pizza doesn't count since no one saw me eat it, that my anti-aging face goo actually worked, that the dimples on my butt  were confused about which cheeks to attach themselves to and relocated overnight...well, you get the picture.  Hmmm, it's now occurred to me that I might not have made the progress that I originally thought.  


I wish I could think of a closing to this post...and I really wish I didn't just decide not to delete that corny line.