The Radio Killed My Bubblegum Song

I like a catchy new song as much as the next guy but, and this might just be me, I feel like I only have a short amount of time to enjoy it as the majority of local radio stations play it way too frequently once they air it for the first time.  Clearly there's some kind of incentive that the dj's are given to play a song umpteen-thousand times per day.  I've been thinking of writing (bitching) about this for a while now, so before I sat down to do so I really paid attention to how long, on average, it takes me to want to flip the station when a song that I once loved gets terribly old.  I didn't log times on a notepad or anything like that...I just kinda kept a mental note of how many months it had been from the song's birth to it's death (well, dead to me; kids can listen to a song a gazillion times and still love it for years which is mind boggling to me).  Oh, and I even asked one of the local radio station's co-host what their estimated threshold for an overplayed song is - she said one month which exactly what I was thinking.  An average number of months for a non-sticky-sweet song is about three.  Three months is just about right for a good song to last with the radio stations cramming it down my throat (well, ears but that's not how the saying goes).  But in all honesty the usual life expectancy for the cutesy-pop type song is a mere one month.  There are the occasional exceptions but they escape me at the moment.  And of course there are classic songs that will never die BUT those songs are the genre that usually don't get overplayed anyway or are so old now that I just can't remember ever getting tired of them.  My general definition of a cutesy-pop song is that it usually goes something like  "I'm adorable and you'll love me even though you're totally dating the head cheerleader".  These songs burn out quickly because they hope their cute factor overshadows the fact that it's been done over and over again by various other girls.  It works for a little while.  After making their debut it only takes about the previously stated one month period before my ears want to leap from my head and sacrifice themselves to my dog as chew toys if I can't get to the radio station changing buttons fast enough.  And for the record, I actually like many of these at first...at first.  I feel it will be helpful if I just list the course of events that lead each song to its untimely demise.  Please keep in mind that this list or timeline, if you will, is mainly for those sugary, bubblegum type songs with the majority being sung by girls that have only been in-love with a guy on a poster.  Here's a tip to upcoming girl singers that most likely educated themselves watching or being on the set of Teen Disney and the like:  If you've only been in love with a guy that rocks skinny jeans (or lives on your over post-erred bedroom wall) you have not, in the least, had even a small taste of true love.  I'm sorry, but it's an impossibility...and it's just weird - there should never be confusion of who's jeans are who's.  Period. SO...the timeline:

Week One!
Day 1:  I heard a really cute song on the radio...I wonder who that was singing...
Day 1:  Said to daughter:  "That's the song I was telling you about that I heard earlier!"
Day 1:  Got some of the lyrics down by mid-afternoon.
Day 1:  On my way home from work...almost have the whole song memorized. I still don't know who sings it - sounds like Demi?  Nah, more like Taylor...or is it Miley?  Oh, it's Bella!  

Note:  If it ends up being Taylor Swift it dies to me right then and there.  Truth, I can usually name her song in less than two seconds because she starts out the same in all of her songs.  Part of me feels bad about disliking her songs (and now even her voice) so much...but not bad enough not to want to rip my radio out of the car when I hear "Ooooo, wah oooo wah oooo waa-aahhh...".  Same goes for Justin Beiber!  I actually liked a song of his once and I was so sad about that.  It died quicker than most thank goodness.  I was questioning my mental stability and judgment!

Day 2:  This song is really infectious.  I can't believe I like a Miley Cyrus song!
Day 2:  Glad I'm in my car so I can belt out these lyrics as loud as I want.
Day 2:  This song is my jam people!
Day 2:  Wow, I can't believe my luck!  What is this, the third or fourth time I've heard this today?

Day 3:  Same as Day 2.

Day 4 through 15:  Same as Day's 2 and 3 except for the introduction and steadily increasing amount of an uneasy feeling that they might be playing this really cute song too much.

Day 16 through 20:  Fear is confirmed - the stations are most definitely playing the song too much.  I still like the song okay, but I'm gonna see what else is on the other channels.  At least if I can't find anything I can go back to the cute song that I once loved.  Nothing like having a good fallback song!  What in the...it's on the other station I count on too?!  I'm going back to the other one because it's definitely further along in the song than this.

Day 21 through 25:  Seriously?  This song again?  I wish I had satellite radio at my desk.  Whatever, I'm gonna go get a soda...and I'm taking the long way there.  How come this song comes on every single flippin' time that so-and-so is at my desk?! Gah!!  And Heaven help me if I'm in the shower and can't get to my bathroom radio to change the station!  I feel like it's a personal assault against me.  All I can do is roll my eyes and sigh over-dramatically.  If I "get trapped" more than once then said song won't even last the whole month of life it could have had.

Day 26 through 30:  I will drop everything to switch the channel!  Agitation sets in and if I'm not able to change the station fast enough it can ramp up to anger.  This song disgusts me!  How did this ever get recorded?  Who in the world would buy this song or even worse - the album?!  Why am I brushing my hair so violently?  

Day 31:  After one note of the song is identified I will stop at nothing to get to my radio and shut it down.  I then will have to talk my self out of setting fire to the offending device that spewed that garbage all over my ear drums. (I'm exaggerating a bit here...it helps convey my mood at this point.)  There is nothing worse than jumping out of a shower and doing the naked-sprint to the counter.  Not pretty!

Rot in H-E-Double Hockey sticks you stupid song!

I just don't understand why in the world any radio station would want to kill a song so quickly.  I've discussed this with several people and I'm not the only one that feels this way...maybe the only one that gets so agitated about this though.  <cough>  Yeah, I have issues, I know.  And how come it's mostly girl singers that annoy the crap out of me?  Oh, and of course Justin Beiber as well, but he still has a chance once he goes through puberty (so he's like 17 or something...he could be a late bloomer).  And just to make things fair and so you don't feel that I'm  just picking on people born in the late 90's (well, mostly I am), I also still lose my mind when I hear anything by Gloria Estefan and her stupid Miami Sound Machine, Celine Dion (ew!), Mariah Carey, and Sheryl Crow.  Those still assault my ears to this day because sadly shows like American Idol use them in their weekly song selections like they are their go-to favorite snack!

Well, there's not much else to say about my feelings on this and my little blog won't change an industry - but it sure felt good to get that out!  Now, I'll move on to how my mind reels when I try to guess how many more wine flavors distributors can possibly place into grocery stores...it's getting out of hand...and I like wine...I don't discriminate against any grape!

<scrolling credits here>

"We followed up with Barbara the next day since the writer of this blog was curious to know what happens if she were to ever hear the offending song even one more time...simply riveting!" 


Day 1 of the second month:  I realized that the iCloud application my family installed automatically downloaded the offending song to my iPad when I was playing a shuffle version of all the awesome songs I've collected.  I quickly vowed to ground my kid right as my head flew off my body.