The Next Round of Trophies Are On Me!

Admittedly I'm a very competitive person and the other two members that share the same address as me also share that same description.  I don't know if I've always been competitive but I do know that I've always wanted to win.  There's a difference by the way...and it's something that I've learned over the years.  For one thing, most everyone wants to win but not everyone wants to have to fight for that very win that they yearn for.  I think that comes with age for most people; at a very young age you just want to have fun and if you happen to accidentally kick the ball into the goal and get the only point of the day the win just kind of falls into your teams lap.  All you know is that you are wearing the same color t-shirt as fifteen other four year-olds and that a butterfly just fluttered by your cute little head and the ball bumped into your foot...the next thing you know your parents are telling you how awesome you did and that you're a natural at blah-blah sport.  Somewhere between the age of four and ten...or maybe never, you either settle into the roll of the "I'm just here for fun", or "I'm just here because my parents want me in some kind of sport" kid or you decide you want to get better and better with every year or season that passes.  That's not to say that the competitive kid will be any better than the ones that just "have" to play but it certainly gives them a leg up when it comes to game time.  And we all know that no matter how driven your child is they will want to skip a practice every now and then.  I actually prefer the competitive type child...which is good since mine is and people frown upon trading children for some reason.  "I'll give you two of my readers for one of your lacrosse players and I'll kick in a cat.  Whada ya say?  We got ourselves a deal?"  I don't dislike the non-competitive child either...they have their place in circle of life too.

The thing that bothers me the most is the idea that every child, effort given or not, should be given some type of trophy after each season they play.  I wish I could remember if that's the way it was for me when I was a kid but I don't think that it was.  I do remember when my daughter asked me, not even halfway through a soccer season when she was about 6, when they'd be getting their trophies and it actually made me angry.  We explained to her about how she may be getting one because the team was but that she shouldn't ever just expect it.  I changed a lot of things that year starting with not always letting her go first when we played games at home and never just letting her win.  What happened to earning that trophy?  Why are we so scared to let our kids learn the value in working hard and earning that medal?  It never ceased to amaze me that there would be kids I hadn't seen all season on my daughters team show up at the awards "ceremony" just to collect something that they didn't even care one bit about.  But here's the thing, it's not the kids issue - it's the parent's!  I'm pretty sure some kids went home and stared really hard at the shiny dude kicking a ball and wondering if this was some kind of sick joke...why would they get a toy that just stood on a piece of faux marble?  I even tried reasoning with myself by thinking that maybe the trophies for the first couple of years was for bribing the kids to want to play a sport and then at age seven or so children would have to really put forth some kind of effort to get one.  But they would have fallen in love with that particular sport and want to keep playing it.  Sadly that's not how it works with this generation; if you don't put them in the type of organization that doesn't just hand out awards like candy they will get them forever.  I've heard arguments for years about how each child needs to feel this and that and by giving them a trophy they all feel like they won and other nonsense in that same line of thinking.  Well, that's just a load of crap.  Parents are not only softening our children to the point where they won't try for anything, they are taking away a kids ability to cope with disappointment.  More importantly those same parents are taking away any opportunity for their child to feel bliss when they do work hard and accomplish something!  You're robbing your child of so much just to make yourself feel better.  What happens when middle school and high school come around and not everyone can just pay a fee to get on that team?  Do you pick your weeping child off the ground and tell them that the school is blind or crazy for not picking them?  Wait, those parents that have shielded their children that long probably do.  I know of some parents that make nasty phone calls to coaches and schools demanding their little cherub should not have gotten cut.  Hey, there's nothing wrong with trying to find out how your offspring can better themselves for the next tryout session but other than that...I guess you can either tell them the truth or keep on over-protecting them.  You are only hurting them and, in the long run, yourself.  "Why won't Johnny go get a job?  Why are we still supporting him?"  Gee, I wonder - DUH!

If we're going to hand out awards for just buying a uniform then why don't we do it for everything?  Little Amanda went to school today?  Well, give that girl a medal!  Oh, Junior looked both ways before crossing the street?  Heck yeah, give that boy a medal too!!  We want them to feel good don't we?  And hey, school and surviving a street crossing are more important than sports right?  Anyway, I'm not saying that each individual family shouldn't praise their son or daughter if they performed well - you should do that!  But you absolutely know if your kid isn't giving their all and it's your job to say something to them.  I'll admit that I've actually had to calm myself down before verbally bashing my daughter for not playing her best because I find it important that she does.  I believe that if she makes a commitment like being part of a team then she's promised to give 100%.  Besides, if I'm going to get her to practices and games then I'd better see a reason that I'm driving here, there and everywhere, damn it!  I'll also admit that it embarrasses the you-know-what out of me when she gives a half-ass effort and others are watching.  I'm not saying she has to be the best...but she does have to give that.  If she doesn't...she'll know how her parents feel about it right about the time her car door closes and we're NOT heading to Bojangles anymore.  Even if she gets a trophy she'll know if she deserved it or not. Besides, nothing is more heart-warming than watching your son or daughter give it everything they've got and earn that hard-won medal.

I'm not going to harp on this next point but I did want to mention one more thing.  I heard on the radio not that long ago a woman saying that most competitive children were also bullies.  I would like to say to that woman many, many things but mainly that I'm really, really sorry her kid didn't live up to her dreams of them excelling in some type of sport.  Being on any team with a good leader or coach is one of the best ways to teach a child to be a team player and good sportsmanship during a game as well as outside of it.

It's never too late to teach our children the value of hard work and earning their rewards (unless they're twenty, then just give up on trying and know that they are forever living in your basement).  And remember, our little ones are not breakable figurines that we need to store in bubble wrap - they are resilient little sh...errr...things.