Modern Obscure Maternity (M.O.M.)

I'm not normal.  I don't strive to be normal nor do I harbor any jealousy towards those mothers that encompass all the requirements that I feel place them in the traditional or "normal" category.  I do, however, respect the women out there that do all those mom-things that categorize them in what I feel is more conventional than myself.  I don't fit that mold and I have finally decided that I'm totally okay with it.  I wasn't always okay with it...that came with time and a family that let me be...well, me.  Trying to be something I'm not was not good for my mind or my soul.  I personally feel we need all types of mothers out there to fill the many different roles our kids need and we ultimately make one well-oiled machine that our children can only benefit from.

What is normal or traditional you ask?  I'm sure I can't answer that question entirely or to the satisfaction of all of you ladies out there although I'm sure most of us could probably agree on a lot of the same ideas.  In fact, I have a feeling that when I do try to describe, in my humble opinion, what I think falls under this "normal" category that it may actually step on some of your little toes.  So, I'd like to pre-apologize for missing anything in my personal assumptions as I try to outline as best I can what I feel qualifies some of you as the quintessential (of or relating to the most perfect embodiment of something) mommy. Oh and I'd also like to remind you that this is my blog and direct you to the word "my"...feel free to write whatever you like in comments.

Actually, I'm not sure what makes up the "normal mom", I just know I'm not. So I'm just going to tell you a few things about me that I feel makes me the non-traditional type of mother and tell you about the journey that made me who I am today.  Mind you, some of the things that we have in common are things that you did well before you were with child and were long-ago whims or my-friends-dared-me-to-do-it type things...I just happened to want to do them after my kiddo came along.  In fact, she's so much of her own person and has been since she was small, that I would say she's the main reason I've embraced my true self.  Some of my non-traditional qualities you guys will embody too...it's not like my true self wanted to rob banks or something, I think that it's the culmination of them all while in my 40's that lends to my thinking that I'm not mainstream and maybe not the perfect fit for certain groups.  I like to think I can hang with just about anyone but I've said before in previous posts that I'm not for everyone and I'm okay with that.  I can promise you this though - I'm about the easiest friend you'll have; I don't need to talk to you or see you everyday to validate our friendship and unless you give me reason to think it, I won't assume you have a problem with me just because we haven't spoken for a month...or two...or longer.  Sometimes I wonder if that makes me a lazy friend but then I step back and check myself because I can't forget that we all have things going on in our lives...even us stay-at-homers.  I am, however, lazy in other ways I hate to admit. I actually started writing a post called Tales Of A Lazy Mom but stopped mid-way through...I'm not sure why...

If I had to identify  myself in a particular category during my teenage years, I'd have to say I was fairly mainstream with the prerequisite 90's wardrobe, big hair and a love for MTV (you know, back when it was actually about music and music videos - you wouldn't remember if you were born anytime after the mid 1990's).  I tried to never call attention to myself and was actually told that I was very quiet in high school when I went to my 20th reunion.  The quiet part shocked me because I love to make people laugh (and I have to be reminded that I don't need to yell my stories when I'm sitting beside someone...my poor family.  I just get so excited!).  I spent a huge part of those early years trapped in a scoliosis brace, shoe lift and braces on my teeth (my teeth and spine were jacked up, bless my heart) so blending in was a mix of goals and dreams especially because my identical twin had no desire to remain unseen whatsoever.  I guess I spent so many years after high school trying to be that funny girl people wanted to be around that I forgot I never wanted the attention all those years ago.  It was inevitable that I would want to tell good stories to my friends I guess; if you could meet my dad you would know that at least one of his daughters was destined to learn the art of delivering a humorous spiel.  It rubbed off on both my sister and myself, I just chose to advertise it via blog, radio, that one time on stage (too frightening to do again), etc.  I'm not saying that I've mastered it, but I would like to think I've gotten pretty decent at it.  The good news is, and if you read my blog regularly you'll know this about me, that my social anxiety actually helps with the funny stuff (also something I've embraced). My late teenage and early twenties were something quite opposite of when I was in high school and quite frankly surprised the hell out of me.

When I graduated from high school I also got to graduate from the scoliosis brace and all those other things that made me want to hide from the world.  It was freeing and terrifying all at the same time.  I went off to college and was probably less excited than I should have felt because it was the first time I would be without my twin sister (and parents of course).  If you don't have an identical twin or if you aren't the more passive of the two you might not understand how scary it is to wake up and not have the stronger personality mentally (and sometimes physically) pulling you through everyday life.  I had to be my own person!  That was not okay with me.  I had to make my own way...for a whole week!  As it turns out the person I was without my sister wasn't that bad.  Surprisingly I met the man I would marry only two years later during my first week away from my whole family and he liked who I was!  Because of him I heard new music and saw new places that I'd never think of visiting on my own.  He taught me how to play pool and introduced me to stand-up comedy.  I loved that part the most and we still quote some of the greats to this day, over twenty-four years later.  I also fell in love with watching movies; we would go to the theater and usually watch two per weekend night (they weren't freakishly expensive like now though).  I guess I'm trying to describe myself through telling you my journey through my twenties.  Is there a part of me that wonders if I'd be much different today if I hadn't met my husband at 18 years old?  Sure, but what we go through over the years is what molds us into who we are today and I know I'm not anywhere near perfect, but I like this version of me.  As much as my daughter is more her own person than I was at her age, she'll make some changes here and there because that's what living and the people in your life, well, force you to do quite frankly - and that's not a bad thing.

The years between my late twenties and now have been spent doing the whole mom-thing but in my own way no matter the opinion of others.  That's not to say I don't welcome advice because I've needed a ton of it from the moment I understood my parents words and I will until the day I no longer walk this earthly path.  Will I take all of your advice?  Um, no...would you take all of mine?   I advise you not to; sometimes advice is really an opinion and Lord knows we all have different ones.  There's a saying about opinions and it mentions that some of them stink.  Moving on!  This is me as summed up and condensed as possible because I've rambled on so long about how I got here.

I love tattoos (sorry Mama) and I have a few now.  They all mean something to me and I can't promise that I won't get another.  I pierced my nose recently because it's something that I've wanted to do for a while and low and behold it didn't change who I am.  I quit my job to pursue something that not many people succeed in - writing.  I wear clothes that probably cost too much and aren't age appropriate anymore (except those items with words in visible places), but let's face it, True Religion makes your butt look better.  I love hanging with my kid and her friends and quite frankly I like their music too.  I'm not one bit domestic but I'm optimistic as is my husband...well, he's more hopeful than optimistic.  I literally don't sweat the small stuff to a point that it can appear that I don't care.  Nine times out of ten I'll choose to stay home instead of going out even at the promise of a yummy dinner. So maybe these things don't disqualify me from being bor...conventional but it certainly lands me in a different category.

I think I completely missed the mark of what I was intending to write about...but thanks for the therapy.