Juror Number 62

So for my birthday present I was summoned to jury duty for the first time ever.  How nice...just what everyone wants to do on their birthday.  Technically it was the day before my birthday but just like every normal female my special day is more like a 72 hour thing (in my head at least) - one has to give people a window to shower you with gifts. Anyway, I guess I've been lucky thus far because I've heard so many other people being called several times over the years.  I had no idea what to expect and when I don't know what to expect I get very nervous.

I have several things that make me nervous for no good reason at all and I don't know if it's normal or not but the response I receive from others tells me that it's not.  For instance, when I have to pick up someone from the airport...that's a trigger for all my nerves to activate.  I've been to the same airport for over 18 years but yet when I have to go by myself I still freak out.  I know the route by heart and if I were just taking a leisurely drive it wouldn't be a problem (not that I would take a Sunday drive to the airport for fun...I just know it'd be different).  But lo, when I have to be there to pick someone up at a particular time all of a sudden I can't remember how to get there and which lane to be in for the pickup spot!  Do I stay in the right lane?  The right-right lane?  Or do I veer to the left and which left lane?!  Thank goodness the road takes you completely around and back again to correct my usual misguided guess to stay in the middle...every time.  I wish I could tell you how many times I've waved at my husband as he's waiting on the curb with his luggage in hand as I sail by giving him the I'll-be-back eyes.  It's amazing that I can see his eyes rolling in the back of his head even though I'm not close enough to stop and let him in.  Sadly he's used to it. Even worse is when I go to a new city; if I'm driving into uncharted territory I have to turn off my music and listen to google maps like I'm waiting on God to speak to me and if I'm not quiet enough I might miss his message.  I'm liable to snap someones head off if they try to make me look at anything other than road signs. "Look Barbara! There's a Hot-Fresh-Now sign lit up at that Krispy-Kreme!" "That's not our hotel! Hush so I can hear the magic map-voice coming from my phone!" Don't get me wrong, I'll store the donut information somewhere in my head for later when someone else is driving.  I'm only human. I wish I could say that going into Raleigh where I've lived in and around for over half my life was different but I can't.  There's one-way streets, parking decks (my kryptonite) and people...lots and lots of people walking around knowing where they're going.  It's like some people have this magic ability to find their way around anywhere they want to go and quite frankly it's annoying.  I mention Raleigh because that's where the court house is for these parts so that's where I had to go unfortunately.

I have to admit I'm not a morning person...like, at all.  Seriously everyone asks me what I'm doing up so early when they see the whites of my eyes before 10:00am.  Yeah, it's a problem.  So, everyone has to show up for jury duty no later than 8:30am - thus the punishment begins as well as my panic mode.  First, how am I going to wake up on time and second how am I going to get downtown and maneuver through one-way streets and find parking decks on the east or west side of some building?!  I'm literally getting a little sweaty thinking about it again.  Embarrassingly I decided to schedule an Uber.  What a relief to get that off of my plate for the next morning.  Wait, but how do I download this new app?  And once I do, how do I schedule a ride and do they send me some kind of confirmation?  Will they tell me when they arrive?  What if I have my hairdryer on and miss their call?  Will they just leave me and I'll be thrown in jail for contempt of court because I just had to fix my bangs one last time?  Will the Uber driver stab me if I ask him too many times if he knows where he's going?  Luckily my teenage daughter was kind enough to walk me through everything and call me that morning to wake me up.  Actually, my daughter called and my sister and husband texted me.  I'm ashamed.  Anyway, I got there with time to spare which was good because I stood there trying to figure out how much to tip someone that restrained themselves from punching me.  I really hope there's not a "no fly list" for Uber passengers because I really liked using that way to travel.  Funny story though - during the car ride there the driver was listening to the radio and there was a news article that came on about an Uber driver that actually did kick his passengers out because they were talking about political stuff and were apparently very conservative.  That driver pulled over, told them to get out and as the last passenger stepped out the driver yelled "WELCOME TO THE REVOLUTION!"  and sped off.  At that moment my driver peered into his rear view mirror and I stared back at him...neither one of us knowing what to say.  Do I laugh? Do I claim fealty to President Trump?  I just wanted to get there!  Unfortunately I'm an awkward human and when I'm nervous I say really, really stupid stuff so no surprise that when the driver, in a shockingly nice tone, told me to have a nice day I quickly responded with "WELCOME TO THE REVOLUTION!" What is wrong with me?!

I get to the jury check-in where I'm directed to a huge room where there are at least already 20 to 30 people scattered around sitting in pleather chairs.  I scan the room listening to people sneezing and coughing so I scope out a corner chair that is all by itself and scurry to claim it as mine.  At this point I'm more worried about catching something horrible than getting chosen for jury duty.  After the remaining fifty-some-odd people show up (late...guess they didn't Uber) I can actually see the germs floating through the air like tiny white cat hairs you can only see as they float through a stream of sunlight crossing your hardwood floors.  I'm disgusted.  Soon the clerk (I think that's their title) comes in and asks for our attention so she can play a short film clearly made in the 70's about what each position in the court holds and their duties...looking back I failed miserably at paying attention to that.  After torturing us with the vintage film she then tells all of us to pick up the bible next to our crunchy chairs so we can all repeat after her and swear to tell the truth.  She tells us to place our left hand on the bible and raise our right hand while she swears us all in. Okay, I can't put my left hand ON the bible and hold it from underneath at the same time.  I don't know why she got annoyed when I asked her if I was doing it right!  I just wanted to make sure that I was actually swearing in. She didn't even look at me when she asked if anyone had any questions afterward. It's whatever, I didn't care...yes I did.  My point stands; you can't hold something and lay that same hand on something at the same time! I know, I've seen movies and someone always holds the bible for the swearee (swearer?) I was already failing at my civic duty.

While we were waiting to file into the courtroom the clerk/lady comes in and informs us that there are three of us that posted our summons on social media.  What the?!  How did they know that? Now, I knew that I hadn't posted that so I just glanced around the room pretending to yawn and stretch to see who the guilty parties were.  I saw no one move.  Odd.  A few minutes later she returns and says there are still two people that still haven't taken down their posts.  First of all, culpable person number one was great at close-up magic because I didn't see any one's hands move to remove anything from their phone.  The third time she came in she let the two people know, whoever they were, that the next time two police officers would come in and take their phones in front of everyone.  I was starting to wonder if I posted it! I mean, maybe I did it and forgot?  No, no way...but maybe...I had to check! Clearly I wasn't the only one who felt the crushing weight of unneeded guilt because all of a sudden she poked her head through the cracked door and said "thank you".  Listen folks, if you're thinking of doing something stupid to get arrested for, just go to jury duty first and let the sense of feeling guilty for nothing wash over you because it only gets worse for the real deal.

Once inside the courtroom we are told the rules and that the attorney's will each have a chance to question us to see if we'd be a good fit for the jury for this particular case.  I shouldn't tell you what the guy did but let me say he wasn't a nice dude at all and didn't believe knives only belonged in the kitchen and you actually had to PAY for a car to own it.  As we are walking in, the defense attorney is staring through us like he was trying to read our souls.  When it was my turn to walk in front of him he was staring so hard I just knew I had left my shirt off or something.  Then he made sure to stare into our eyes to see judgment? Do I stare back like "you don't scare me mister" or "I have nothing to hide" or should I just go for "he's guilty so don't even bother asking me your silly questions"?  I looked away and blinked...I'm ready to get arrested and I don't even know why.  The prosecutor was much nicer.  Then the judge tells us we are no longer going by our juror number; we will all be called by our names!  Our names?? Do you want to tell the man on trial my address too?  How about you call him my Uber driver and he can just wait for me at my house?? This is getting out of control! Luckily there were a bunch of us so there's no way he would remember my whole name. That's what I told myself at least.

The State got to vet the jurors first and so they asked a bunch of questions but the one that stuck in my head was asking if you were biased towards law enforcement and if so then why.  Most everyone was saying that they could make a fair decision and although I'm pretty sure I could too, my Mom had given me a wonderful weapon to keep in my arsenal (maybe that's not the best analogy I should be using for this topic); my Mom reminded me that I had family in law enforcement and actually pretty high up there in rank. Yay Mama!!  And thank you to my uncle whom I mentioned to the prosecutor (not by name of course) for serving the community and helping me get back to work.  And I do truly believe as unbiased as I could be there would be something deep inside wanting to only hear what the law enforcement had to say in the matter. Many of you won't like that but I'm being honest which is what they wanted and what I want to be with y'all. Also, in my defence, the guy on trial was sitting there like he didn't give a sh...care and was bored to death.  Anyway, as the defence was listening in and not saying a word about juror after juror, I could barely get the words out of my face that I had family that had been law enforcement before the defence attorney jumped up and declared his right to exercise excusing the juror being questioned...me! I felt both relieved and that I had failed the biggest exam of my life!  How could I fail? I'm smart...I'm well spoken...I answered one question "wrong" which is still a low A or a B+ at worst.  I was escorted out and I felt ashamed. I felt ashamed until I was back at home having my afternoon coffee and getting to check in at my flower shop that is.

I Ubered home.