In my humble opinion, I think that if you're married or just living in sin, it should be an unspoken rule that you have to tell your significant other if they need to fix something about themselves before walking into public. I really think it should be in the wedding vows, but I'm much too lazy to fight that battle. Some of the things, off the top of my head, include telling your SO (Significant Other...that's funny to me since I say "so!" a lot when I'm told something I don't like by my SO) that they have half their dinner stuck in their teeth, their zipper is halfway down, that zit on their chin looks like Mount Vesuvius, the boogie in their nose does not bring out the color of their eyes, their breath could be used for a chemical weapon, and maybe they should try investing in a better brazier. That's right people, there's nothing wrong with telling your lady that she could use a bit more support or that maybe she should do a bit of adjusting before walking into the cold. I'm just suggesting that maybe if you're against wearing an "over the shoulder boulder holder" that has a little lining that you need to be more aware of where you're pointing. Come on girls, this isn't a medical condition like being cockeyed. It's bad enough that guys are automatically drawn to your...um, awesome t-shirt, but how fair is it to them to try and figure out where to look! At least make it easy for them to glance!! Sometimes they aren't looking because yours are awesome; it may be confusion or sadness or worse, like a horror movie that they can't turn away from and will sadly be forever ingrained in their minds-eye. I know that some of you are more wealthy than others in that area and that a decent support system may get costly, but if you're not a barbie doll or surgically corrected then you really should, may I suggest, look in a flippin' mirror before heading out for the day! Clearly your SO is scared to tell you sometimes that your outfit may be a bit off for your body type and they probably don't want to tell you what you should already know about the effects of aging and the effects of gravity on anything not held in by your skeletal structure. Remember, if it protrudes off your body then it will not stand the sands of time (there are a few freaky exceptions...damn you Demi Moore). And fellas, remember, your nose ain't getting any smaller, so keep your fingers out of there unless you want to help it along to finding its way Ginormouseville. Also, it should be noted that even when the female body starts to...frown, there will always be a guy that's quite alright with that. And while you are thinking to yourself that "wow, that lady needs to think about getting a lift or somethin'", we are staring at your face thinking "good Lord, I bet he can fit a whole Subway meatball in there!" and that you are less likely to head out and get estimates on a good nose job than we are in getting nipped and tucked. Oh, and FYI, nose hair trimmers are like ten bucks or less...check it out. Just wanted to throw all that out there before continuing on my preaching about getting a good bra.
Why on earth do you care what your hair looks like if you're not going to pay attention to what brings the most attention?! I'm not advocating or applauding the "Ta-Ta Glance", but I don't understand your priority choice since you know it is the way it is and will be forever. If I'm going to shell out 'paper' for my hair then I am certainly not going to hesitate making sure I'm doing the same for the rest of me. It doesn't always help, but you have to at least try. Yes, it's true, guys seem to like longer hair, but unless you're Ariel, that mermaid chick that somehow gets clam shells to hang on for dear life to her 'rib cage' as well as having hair that goes down to her bellybutton and also gives those same shells shelter from the elements, then your hair will not help you with the male species. I guarantee that you could have gotten a fantastic bra for the same amount that you spent on pizza night for your family! <fist pound to my fave brand Wacoal on Amazon> And just like your annual plants die out, so will the elastic in your trusty, go-to chest sling. They call socks that start falling down "quitters"...is there a term for your chest cage when it starts failing? Anyway, yes, you always should make sure that you're lined up before leaving the house or any potty break at work, but if you have to lift, shift, juggle, shove, scooch, or maneuver just because you clear your throat, I'm suggesting you let your bra slip away with some dignity. I firmly believe that a bra can make or break an outfit. Here's a good test, try wearing a empire waste top or dress with a good, supportive bra. Ahhhh, the seam is in all the right places hitting right below your under-wire (that you SHOULD be using too by the way). How cute do you look?! Now, try that same top or dress on with your old, worn-out, I'm too lazy to hand wash (or at least not machine dry), no under-wire bra on. Rule (no, it's not a suggestion): if that same seam lands anywhere between your cleavage to the top of your under-wire (please tell me you understand that you need under-wire if you exceed a B-cup, only exception being if you're in yoga class) then YOU NEED TO BUY A NEW BRA!!! I doubt you'll ever get a truthful answer from your SO since they are scared to death that if they tell you your na-na's are sagging then they won't get to see said na-na's for quite some time. They should tell you...but that is probably the one thing they won't tell you.
These "rules" of what your SO should tell you can also go for a close friend up to your clothing choice but NOT including your boobs. Although, there are some people that feel they can tell you that gravity is kicking your ass...those are the same people that think they can tell you everything you do is wrong and should be done like them (even if they have saggy na-na's too and don't realize it). If your SO doesn't tell you and you don't see it...well, hopefully ignorance is bliss. But guaranteed someone else is telling her friend about your sagging situation and feeling better about her current zit or chemical weapon breath.
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