It's not official yet but I am currently contemplating starting The Ostrich Foundation. Here I will gather those rare individuals that are parents (not you freaks that think owning a doggie or kitty makes you a parent just because you say "oh, this is my four-legged baby boy" as you bring it in from going ka-ka outside) that actually realize that their child could possibly do something that you thought they would never do. Sadly there are so many, many parents that suffer from SOD (Severe Ostrich Disorder) and it is time to reach out and help those individuals. SOD got it's name from its symptoms mirroring an ostrich burying its head in the sand when it doesn't like something it sees or hears and even blinding itself from truth. It's also eerily similar to when a horse wears blinders (but I couldn't think of a catchy name for my foundation using a horse...well, other than Horses Ass Foundation). If you're not sure what SOD is or if you're not positive you have any of the symptoms, take this simple test I've written. If you answer "yes" to more than one or two questions then you need help or an intervention from the good people at The Ostrich Foundation.
SOD Test:
1. If your child tells you they've brushed their teeth but their breath smells like something died in their mouth, do you still believe them?
2. If your child gets in an argument with another child do you call the other child's parent and demand that your child was the only one wronged and clearly didn't start the scuffle?
3. Do you blindly trust that your child is telling the truth without verifying their information and/or answer?
4. Do you constantly tell other parents that no matter what they (the other parent) saw, your child would NEVER do what they called you about? Or worse, do you agree and then never say anything to your child because you really didn't believe the other parents?
5. Do you consistently "over-sell" your child's abilities and accomplishments thus undermining your ability to admit frustration or disappointment when you have an opportunity to vent?
6. Have you, at any time since becoming a parent, forgotten what you did behind your parents back (or at least attempted to do)?
7. Do you have a set of excuses that you whip out at a moments notice to explain your child's behavior and thus convinced yourself that yes, they must be tired to act like such a "meanie-head"?
8. Do you use lines like "why would [insert name here] lie about that?" on a regular basis?
9. Have you snowed yourself into believing that the current ill behavior that your child is displaying will, with patience, be cured with time or a good butt-kicking at school?
10. Do you argue with the teacher when your child gets a bad grade or conduct? (Poor teachers)
11. When your child is jumping on your host’s furniture or coloring on their walls, do you distract them with another activity? (Oh [insert child-menace's name here], don't kick the dog...here, take these matches and go burn something instead.)
This test is under construction and clearly there are so many more clues or signs to help you decide if you suffer from the dreaded SOD. If you refuse help from The Ostrich Foundation, please refer to my post titled The American Idol Generation so you can be prepared for others to curse you for allowing your child to be a drain on society when they enter adulthood.
It may be that only one parent in the household suffers from SOD but because they only show the signs when not around their more clear-headed partner, help has not been offered. Sometimes the parent that suffers from SOD shows signs all the time but is so adamant and argumentative that their significant other gives up trying to "show them the light". Most sufferers will point fingers at others and try to redirect attention to anyone other than themselves...people with SOD can easily spot a fellow "victim" of this disorder and feel more comfortable whispering about how blind someone else is. Heads up people, those people are looking at you and saying the same thing.
As the founder of TOF I had to come to grips with the reality that my child will try to get away with things that seem so silly but in the long run really, REALLY pissed me off. For instance, sometimes when I went to kiss her goodnight I would, when I was misled, almost pass-out from the rankness of her breath after she had told me that she brushed them thus assaulting my senses (and causing temporary blindness in my right eye). That is benign compared to all the possibilities of being hoodwinked, but I fear if I mention too much you'll know that I'm talking about YOU. Had I been given help from a group like The Ostrich Foundation I would not have wasted so much time throwing up smoke screens and hoping that by being sweet she would then correct her actions. We here at TOF will make it our mission to open your eyes to your Severe Ostrich Disorder well before your child has his or her drivers license...the words "just kidding" coming from your little one does not undo an untruth and can be detrimental when they get older. Remember this chant: "Just kidding means just fibbing...just kidding means just fibbing...". After you hammer that into your skull only then should you explore the exceptions to that rule. It's an ongoing process and can require years of deprogramming your mindset as well as support.
http://obsessingovernothing.blogspot.com/p/my-disclosure1st-time-visitors-please.html
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