Soooo...I wanted to write about realizing that, sadly, I am a soccer mom in my next blog post and I asked Skye which obnoxious things that I screech at her during her games. She looked me dead in the face and said "Mom, you say ALL of them". Well, go me...ugh.
New post coming soon at obsessingovernothin.blogspot.com and feel free to add your own "cheer" that you yell out...Lord knows I've prolly said it too.
During the Spring and Fall my daughter plays outdoor soccer for a club called CASL. There are several options to sign your child up for that offers a bit more of a challenge than your town league. You pay more money and you expect more because of that. Not just better jerseys (although if you're telling the truth, you gotta love getting them)...but better skills, more progress and more talent! It's never too late to join a new sport but when you've turned into Soccer Mom you tend to balk at the fact someone would actually pay more than the twenty buck fee that the city or town charges because you don't know if your kid is going to excel at their new sport of choice yet. But, with a good coach new teammates can get up to speed and some even outshine those that have been playing for years...which is annoying as hell. Anyway, on the off-season Skye plays for an indoor team consisting of several of her CASL teammates which is great. They continue to work with each other and all that jazz that helps. But it occurred to me at the last indoor game when we were clearly playing a more advanced team, that my normally loud voice was quite magnified in an indoor facility. It actually occurred to me during the game and yet I couldn't stop myself from yelling "WHERE'S THE DEFENSE?!" and "OHHHH, COME ON! YOU GOTTA GET YOUR FOOT ON THE BALL SKYE!!" and so on.
Driving home Tuesday night after the hard-to-watch beat down our girls took I was doing my usual "positive team bashing" and I stopped mid-babble and thought to myself "Holy Soccer Balls Batman! I've become that which I laughed at for years!!" I felt like Captain Picard on the Star Ship Enterprise when the Borg assimilated him no matter how he fought it. Now, I had two choices...the first choice being to calm down and start making the necessary changes to just watch and enjoy a lovely sport that my beautiful child happens to enjoy. The second choice was to embrace my Soccer Mom self. Well, I still had some things to say about how our defense players got schooled on the field that night so clearly I picked choice number two. I'm not proud.
Some of the things I find myself yelling I can easily list out, but other things I can't remember because I'm yelling them out in blind frustration. You might yell something different than I do because my kid is a goalie for half the game and striker the second...but yelling is yelling...er screeching according to my lovely family. I actually have a deeper voice than some women but when I'm trying to use the Force on my kid's team it comes out more like a banshee screech. I don't hear it that way but my husband practically gets thrown into a seizure when I get started so I'm taking his word for it. When Skye is in goal I go into battle cry mode...it's not a pretty site (she is...I'm not) and again, I'm not proud. I scream things like "USE YOUR HANDS", "THAT BOX IS YOUR HOME, PROTECT IT!" (that one is particularly stupid sounding when I think about it), "YOU'RE OUT TOO FAR MOVE BACK...NO, MOVE UP...SKYE, LAND ON IT!", eh...I'm tickin' myself off just writing them out. It's especially harsh sounding in August when it's ninety million degrees outside and I'm screaming for the kids to work harder. I picture myself with a nice woven fan and a mint julep in my hand telling the kids they need to suck it up or they'll lose. Sadly, if I don't think that Skye did her best out there then I'm thrown into a rotten mood for at least two hours after the game and she is still chugging water to re-hydrate. Yep, that's me...compassionate mom of the year right here!
Investing time and money into your child's sport is a dangerous thing; if you take the time to go to practices and obnoxiously early games after paying truck loads of money for sports accouterment you tend to throw all of your emotion into the sport as well. I'm pretty sure I'd hate to have my boss yelling over my shoulder after a decent pay raise to "TYPE FASTER BARBARA...NOOOO, NOT THAT WORD...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" or "LANDSCAPE FOR THAT SPREADSHEET...HURRY, HURRY!"...ew...I'm thinking I'd better do something super cool really soon so I don't continue to feel so uncool. I'm gonna go put the smack-down on Skye with some Mario Karting skills yo!
Normally I have some type of lesson I've learned at the end of each blog...I have no real lesson learned here because this was more of a Confessions Of A Soccer Mom rant...GOOOAAAAL!
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