And Then She Pushed Hank Into The BioHazard Receptacle!

Since I wrote about my sleep apnea and all that comes with it and I let you all know that I was going to have corrective surgery to hopefully fix these issues, I decided to update you.  I did in fact have the surgery to open my "breathe-way" just the other day and I'm going to tell you exactly how I feel about how it went and how I feel now that the surgery is complete and the healing is beginning.  But I want to paint the picture of how it all went down first so you get a good idea of how I was feeling about going through with this major surgery first and as usual I'll oddly weave my way to where I am today without hopefully losing you to boredom.

Let me be perfectly clear to anyone thinking about having double jaw surgery (no, that's not the medical terminology for what was performed on me...I can't remember right now and I'm parked on the couch and have no intentions of getting up except to drink some food and go potty for at least another week), this is not, in any way, an easy surgery.  No matter how much the doctors, orthodontists, surgeon's and nurse's walk to you through everything or how many times they go over the procedure and what could happen or what you may or may not feel, you will still not be prepared to feel what you feel when you come to and in the days that follow...you will not be prepared to see how you look when you wake up from anesthesia...and you will not be prepared for the feeling of helplessness that overcomes you when you try to take your first sip of water and it just runs down your chin.  But, with all that, if you sincerely need the surgery as I did...it's one hundred percent worth it. Anyway, let me start from when I went in for my pre-op visit last Monday...

Last Monday I was starting to get really excited about my upcoming surgery which sounds weird because, well, it's surgery, when I went in for my very last appointment before going under the knife.  They were to make some last minute impressions of my teeth and answer any questions I may have before arriving that Thursday for the actual procedure.  I was excited because I, as you would have read in the last post, have tried everything possible to alleviate my sleep apnea including my horrible snoring that would wake the dead for over ten years...maybe around twenty.  I mean imagine not sleeping well for over twenty years! After signing in at the usual place, the surgeon's assistant that always helps me came in and brought me back to one of the rooms for my impressions and questions session and proceeded to ask me the normal questions that doctors and nurses always have to ask even if you had been there just days before.  Well, as she's asking me about how many glasses of alcohol I consume per week I can't help staring at this "example skull" that's sitting on the work counter...broken.  Yes folks, his jaw was broken and hanging akimbo for all to see.  Now, if you haven't realized what surgery I'm about to go through you won't understand how deeply this disturbed me; I'm about to have my jaw broken - on purpose, and there's a replica of what mine or anyone's skull looks like with the jaw hanging by one plate on the right side like I will be having put in my jaw merely three days from right then.  Apparently I was staring so intently at my broken little friend that the nurse finally followed my gaze and broke my trance with a small scream followed with "Oh! Oh no!!  You weren't supposed to see that!  Hank was in an office accident and we have to put him back together! Don't you pay one bit of attention to him Mrs. McKinnon!" As she's saying the last part about me not paying attention she's also realizing that it's too late, the vision is seared into my brain so she steps in front of Hank and then she pushed poor Hank into the bio-hazard receptacle.  Poor Hank.  I couldn't help but say a small prayer for him and wonder if I would fit into that red-orange trash can if they couldn't put my jaw back right.  I realize, as she's out of the room gathering herself, that I'm too big to fit into the bio-hazard trash can so they'll just have to try, try, try.  Needless to say I add a few more questions to my list as I'm overhearing the nurse telling one of her co-workers in the hall the fate of Hank and that no, she can't fish him out of there because it wasn't the normal trash can and then ask that same person what the hell she would have done in her position.  She came back to me not long after so we could get on with things but we never made much eye contact after that.  Personally I think we were both mourning Hank for our own reasons.  Next up...surgery day!

Three days had passed since my pre-op appointment and I had barely thought of Hank because I work at a flower shop and it was Valentine's week so I barely had time to sit down before Thursday rolled around.  That was good that I was so crazy busy because some of my more vain concerns started surfacing every time I stopped to grab a sip of water around late Monday evening.  I mean, this surgery was going to change my face!  If you don't know, I'm an identical twin so that is a big deal to me.  The doctors gave me a mock up of what I could come out looking like and although it's not a huge difference, it's definitely a difference so...I was a little emotional.  Anyway, I was committed to this and ready to move ahead so my husband got me up around 4:30 am and we headed to the hospital.  The surgery itself was to last around four hours and ended up being around five and a half hours and I came to feeling like I was hit in the face with a baseball bat and then swaddled in concrete.  Turns out the concrete feeling around my head was ice packs and I ended up not wanting them removed.  You know, I never did see what I looked like until way late that night and I won't lie, I wanted to cry...but I was high so I laughed.  I looked like a cartoon character!  My face was so swollen that my eyes couldn't open all the way and my nose looked like the check-mark emoticon.  Well, the next morning the surgeon didn't like the way my nose looked either and some other things he wasn't completely happy with so instead of starting the healing process I was scheduled for round two of Operation Fix Barbara.  What started as a one surgery Thursday check-in with a Friday check-out turned out to be a four day stint in the hospital.  It's okay, it was definitely worth it because guess what everyone...the surgery worked!  It worked!!  I'm still ready to start snoring again or waking up from this dream, but for now I haven't snored since the moment I came out from the first surgery.  It's a freaking miracle!  I kept asking my sister when she was at the hospital if I snored every time I napped and now I can't stop asking my husband every morning.  The surgeon literally opened my throat to three times the size it was pre-surgery!  You guys, I wish I could tell you how happy that makes me even though I'm still swollen and look like Louis Litt from Suits.  The swelling and pain will go away and I'll be left breathing well and sleeping like I've never slept before.  No longer will I be so tired from sleeping that I almost fall asleep at the wheel ten minutes into a drive or fall asleep on the couch less than five minutes in while trying to watch mine and my husbands favorite show or have to have my child yank me out of bed so I can get to an appointment that has nothing to do with her! No longer will my family opt to drive up the day of my daughter's tournament because no one would get any sleep if we went down the night before and stayed at a hotel.  This surgery is a game changer everyone and I'm going to embrace this new life...just as soon as I'm ready to stop hiding because I can't even take myself seriously with this face right now.

Thank you for reading about my journey to better health.  I'm posting a picture of the before and after x-rays of my throat hole so you can see the difference and then a little something my sister made for me (thank you Smalls!).  If you ever have any questions or are thinking about getting something like this done and want to talk to me just let me know.  This is a huge surgery and I'll be healing for a long, long time but I believe that when someone is ready to get something like this done then they are at the end of their rope and it's necessary and all that person needs is support from friends and family.

Here's to good sleep!!